Okay. My existence in two parts, brain and body.
My brain is a wicked machine but she’s just doing her job, man! She lets me know when someone is a threat, or when to make a fire, or when to run. My brain wants me to flesh out every single possibility before I act on A DAMN FUCKING THING because that's what feels safe.
But sometimes my brain hijacks my entire life. You know this feeling: constant WORRYPANICOBSESSSORROWWHY. In these moments, I don’t even notice the rest of my body because I’m too in my head. Our brains evolved to teach us to keep an eye out and be careful. That’s excellent, but they can also take over and doom us down spirals of overthinking, depression, and a host of other unsavory emotions.
My body, on the other hand, really knows what's up. After all, you can live without a brain. You can’t live without a body (unless some Speaker for the Dead Jane shit happens, in which case, nevermind, see you in the Internet). Coming back into my body is returning to right now, to steadiness, the pumping of my heart, unwrapping my present. My palms eyelashes fingernails.
So many symptoms of mental illness can be helped when we tuck back into our bodies. When we pull ourselves back down to the present moment. That’s why a lot of people with mental illness find themselves self-medicating, because alcohol and drugs help us stop thinking (I was going to worry about everything, but then I got high). But there are more wholesome ways of getting back into the body, and we already know what they are: exercise, deep breathing, being creative, etc. That’s why these adult coloring books are so popular now. People need help getting the brain to take a back seat to the body experience.
Take my relevant REAL LIFE EXAMPLE: I started this blog and got a great response that overwhelmed me with love and kindness. It felt so real and fulfilling to know that this very vulnerable thing I had shared resonated. But that feeling was short lived because then my brain took over and I started to FLIP THE FUCK OUT because I thought I couldn’t replicate it, and oh this next post has to be just perfect or else, and maybe it was a fluke and that was a one and done thing and this blog will crash and burn and be an epic fail and it will be another thing I almost-accomplished but didn’t because I don’t deserve it whatever and therefore is it really even worth trying because I don’t know my back hurts and this all seems risky!
And before I knew it I doomed myself, my brain warping this cool outlet into a symbol of stress. That’s my brain, creating monsters.
So I’m going to pull back into my body and notice what I notice. By all accounts, this blog is just a baby. I am an amateur blogger. I feel compelled to share and that’s a pretty simple goal and I am doing that one small post at a time. I am a person, so that means some posts will be good and others will be just okay and some might downright blow but everything is progress. And I will take it one step at a time and I will post sometimes and sometimes I will not post and go swimming instead. So I’m going to not fret about making this perfect. I’m going to just take a breath and get in my body and get down with groovy imperfection FUCK IT MODE. I’m not going to think about what happened or what could, I’m just going to do this thing now whatever!
The next time your brain is driving, take notice and be gentle. If you take away the true loves of your brain: those worries and compulsions, you still exist. Look at you: A PERSON! You can loosen your grip on these harmful thoughts because they do not define you. My depressions my obsessions are just a byproduct of my busy brain. Try to remember this and I will too. There are spaces between bad thoughts. Look for them, and each time you notice them they’ll unfold unfold unfold.